OUT OF THE MOUNTAIN OF DESPAIR,

A STONE OF HOPE

Martin Luther King, Jr. Memorial Washington, D.C.

I’ll never forget seeing the Memorial in person, and I’ll never forget how it made me feel.

When I have heard references to Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. these past few years, and predictably even today, MLK Jr. Day 2022, I’ve felt increasingly unsettling feelings in my heart and mind. When his name and words are referenced, I often find myself questioning the intent of the speaker. It feels as though we are further from the message than we are all willing to admit, or we are perhaps simplifying, even twisting the message for personal gain or moral comfort. I also recall how some of these speakers referencing Dr. King’s words make me feel entirely different than I did during that somber evening at the Memorial, or even those haunting and inspiring visits to the King Center and the Museum at the Lorraine Motel. Additionally, as discussion increases and evolves, I find myself in further awe of Dr. King’s less famous writings and quotes. It’s as if every last word of his is pressing and intensely relevant to right here, and right now. 

National Civil Rights Museum Memphis, TN

As time goes on, I believe I am beginning to realize that we all are just that — at the beginning. We’re around 60 years removed, and we are still at the beginning of what the entire movement that Dr. King helped inspire really meant to convey. There is so much more to learn and apply with a sound mind and an open heart.

As I sit here today, I find myself grateful for many aspects of my life, a great amount of which are directly tied to Mahatma Gandhi, Dr. King, and the work of many others in their causes. However, I find myself again facing the reality that our collective societal acceptance of Dr. King is, well, a sort of “surface” level. There seems to be a very general foundation that many of us may agree upon, or choose to acknowledge once a year, but like the work of many great leaders, further analysis, application, and reflection is required to uncover the true substance of Dr. King’s work.

Visiting the statue of Mahatma Gandhi, an Indian nonviolent leader who was a source of inspiration for Dr. King, at the Martin Luther King, Jr. National Historical Park, Atlanta, GA, cir. 2014.

Internalizing, discussing, and applying these words can be challenging. It can be intensely uncomfortable; it can initially appear to conflict with other aspects of our life; and it can possibly even ignite negative feelings among groups of people in the process of interpretation. It surely already has had this effect.

Despite my many words thus far, I realize my purpose and where I can make a difference is to listen. To truly listen. I have so much work to do to become a better listener, and the third Monday of January is a great example of this. I hope and commit to not only recognizing this day when we all do each year and moving on, but to also delve further into the message that is conveyed, beyond the most popular, widely spread, and often misconstrued words of Dr. King. I don’t know what this will result in as it pertains to myself — perhaps not much other than a little self-reflection, some virtual volunteering, and some reading this week. However, even doing that will be more impactful than previous years when participating in social media trends to acknowledge the day felt adequate. I’m excited to learn more by listening and reading, and I invite you to do the same. Links below.

I’ll never forget seeing this monument in person, and I’ll never forget how it made me feel. It’s time for me to listen and learn.

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RESOURCES

"Letter from Birmingham Jail", Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

The King Center

Martin Luther King, Jr. National Historical Park

National Civil Rights Museum | At the Lorraine Motel

Birthplace

The Exact Place in Which I Was Born

Rose Petal Nursing Home Borivali West, Mumbai, Maharashtra, India

One of the most special moments of our entire India trip in early 2020 (before the pandemic shut the world down) was visiting my original hometown and birthplace in the Mumbai Area: Borivali. April had an idea that I hadn’t thought of — what if we saw the exact place where I was born?

When April and I rode the train up from South Mumbai, I assumed we would see our family’s flat, maybe walk around a bit, and spend time with my awesome cousin Ankur and his family. Little did I know, Ankurbhai (bhai=brother, or cousin brother in this case) would surprise us with something beyond our expectations. I originally asked him if he could take us to see the front facade, just for a sentimental photo op, before moving on with our day. As it turns out, Ankurbhai, with the help of a dear friend, Jeetu, arranged for a full quick private tour of the place where it all began for me: Rose Petal Nursing Home.

I can barely begin to describe how I felt walking through those halls. It was very quiet — almost enough to hear a pin drop — as the staff continued their careful work. It was breathtaking, uncomfortable, and terrifying imagining my mother all those years ago in labor, giving it her all after months of carrying me. To top it all off, they had also traveled from Burundi in East Africa (where my family was living at the time) to Borivali mid-pregnancy just to make sure I was born in the motherland like my sisters, among other possible reasons. I’m sorry, WHAT?

My family on vacation in Mombasa, Kenya. From left to right: my sisters Siddhi and Purvi, and my mother, pregnant with me. Dad behind the camera, of course.

You really didn’t have to fly us to India to be born, Mummy! It would have been super cool if I was born in Africa, but this is cool too, I guess.☺️

Delivery Room, Rose Petal Nursing Home, Borivali West, Mumbai, Maharastra, India

What an incredibly surreal experience.

And then there was the moment — the moment that the nurse led us to the very room in which I was born. No patients were being seen there that day. I figured she would maybe let us peek in. Then she invited me to squeeze through the tiny door and enter the room. Everything stood still. I couldn’t believe it. I wasn’t prepared. My heart skipped or stopped for a moment — I’m not sure which. What an incredibly surreal experience. It was a swift force of reality, awe, and appreciation knowing that right there, in that very room, I entered the world. While there was undoubtedly a strong and capable doctor at that time with the best available equipment, my mom and the people supporting her were possibly not operating on the world’s best, high-end birthing equipment with which so many now consider commonplace, and yet, they still got it done, and done well. They also took care of my mom and I as she recovered after I was born. There were much fewer features and amenities in this space and throughout the hospital compared to what one with my privileged life experience might expect. It was simple: no frills, efficient, safe, but to the point, it seemed, not to mention the likelihood that this room is now more updated compared to the day I was born.

Yup, that’s me. Just a little piglet, brand new to the world, surrounded by my mother and sisters, with my dad undoubtedly again behind the camera.

Immigrant mothers are unbelievably powerful and awe-inspiring.

All mothers are amazing. However, I want to take a moment to recognize immigrant mothers. Many of them left the comfort of their home and loved ones with children in tow to search for and follow opportunities for the betterment of all our lives. My mother supported my father’s career by moving multiple times throughout our life - from Mumbai to Burundi and back to Borivali and then to the United States of America. Oh, and technically from Mumbai to Jonesboro, Arkansas to Tulsa, Oklahoma, and finally to Lexington, Kentucky where they currently live. Each time she was tasked with helping keep us all together, kids and father, re-establish relationships in each new community, and obtain new jobs, all while continuing the monumental “should be a six -figure job” responsibilities of taking care of our homes and needs. I can’t even begin to describe the amount of stress, challenge, culture shock, discomfort, and strain that can have on a family, despite the eventual positive outcome of being reintegrated into new communities, making new lifelong friends, and achieving each of our life and career goals that were only possible through my parents (still striving, in my case) — all while maintaining loving relationships with our dearest loved ones in India and abroad. To be frank, if you haven’t done it, you likely have no idea what it takes, even after reading. Immigrant mothers are unbelievably powerful and awe-inspiring. Mine is no different. She’s incredible, and I love her more than words could describe. We all do!

What luxury many now have to possess advancing technology in the medical and maternity space. We don’t even really, truly know what our mothers went through, even as we look back, not to mention all the variety in birthing environments across the world to this day (including across India). Even with the most descriptive stories straight from their memories, we’ll never really internalize what our mothers have been through for us. I couldn’t believe it when I was standing in that room as April, Ankurbhai, Jeetu, and the nurse looked on at me, smiling and sharing the moment. I smiled, but I was also dumbfounded, and I felt so incredibly grateful, as well as unworthy of the toiling strife and sacrifice my mom and dad made for all of us before we were even born. Their sacrifice was even more so than I thought before that day. Suddenly, it all became very real - much more real than every moment before I witnessed this room. Truthfully, I also felt a bit sad thinking about the pain that my mother must have gone through during the entire pregnancy process. Alas, this must be the incredible commitment of being parents and being a mother, I assume. The miracle of childbirth is only one reason why mothers must be admired and revered to all ends. 

My mom is a true superhero.

Pictured, from left to right, in our family’s Borivali flat: my father, Lalit Shroff; my mother, Meeta Shroff; Kalyani, my in-law, holding their daughter Tiara; my cousin Ankur, holding their son, Ekaay; my wife, April Shroff; and then some goofy looking dude on the right.

My mom is a true superhero. I will never be able to really understand what she’s done for me and our family, even after visiting the exact room in which I was born. If you have the means to see the room in which you were born, I would highly recommend it.

I love you, Mom! I can’t wait to reunite soon!

India 2020; the search for new musical instruments. Another story for another day.

Happy Mother’s Day to all mothers: past, present, and future.

You deserve the world and more.

-Vinay

America: The State of Our Nation, and our World

An Urgent Message to all Voters, Non-Voters, and Proponents of Democracy

Hi there. My name is Vinay. I’m just a dude, born in India and living in America as a proud citizen. Thanks a bunch for choosing to read this. I really appreciate it. Fair warning: if you want to discuss this with me, I may or may not be able to respond to you for a while. I’m incredibly anxious and exhausted.

There is something that has been weighing in my head and on my heart since early 2020. I’ve been debating whether or not to share my experience, out of fear of being antagonized or judged.

For the first time in my life, I’m choosing to speak out here on the topic of politics as it relates to human rights and democracy. I hope that you consider reading this entire post before formulating an opinion on what it is I have to say. Whether or not we agree, I still love and respect you as a fellow human being. I know most of us are just doing our best to live good lives and positively impact others while taking care of our families.

I’d like you to know why I think it’s important all Americans take the time and make the effort to vote in the 2020 US election, but I speak from a slightly different perspective.

If you are on the fence in terms of whether or not you want to endure the process to vote on November 3rd, if you need more motivation, if you’re bored while waiting in line, if you feel indifferent to the election as a whole, or even if you already voted, well, this is for you. If you are South Asian or have South Asian friends and family, this is for you as well. 

Americans are often told that their voice and vote is powerful. We’re told this mostly because it involves conversations related to the direction of our communities, our families, our country and its policies, as well as how each of these policies and changes affect our daily lives. Additionally, if we’re being honest, the American vote has massive global significance, as America is in many ways one of the leading powers in today’s world. Our public perception and national policies influence our foreign policy and, to some degree, the policies of other nations. As a result, our choices as people and leaders also have a significant impact on the lives of billions of other human beings across the world.  Many of us may or may not care too much about the lives and policies of other nations, but it is my opinion that Americans ought to realize their nation’s influence and power when it comes to the world at large. American voters may or may not also feel a sense of responsibility to other governments or people, but in my opinion, it is important that we at least realize that while not all countries agree or follow an American approach to various issues, most are at least potentially influenced by America on the global stage. This is why I feel this story should be relevant to all Americans, no matter your current political leanings.

In early 2020, my wife and I had the opportunity to visit India together. This was monumental for both of us: it was huge for me to be able to return to my birth country for the first time in ten years, and it was a very significant moment for my wife because it was her first time out of the United States in her entire life. 

We had a wonderful time in India. We visited Mumbai (my birthplace), Jaipur, Agra, and the nation’s capital of New Delhi (or Delhi, as locals refer to it). We definitely did not get to do or see everyone and everything we had hoped, but it was a wonderful trip for which we are grateful we had the opportunity to experience together. I look forward to sharing more from our trip in the near future. Today, I’ll be writing about something that we happened upon while exploring Delhi.

Towards the end of our trip in Delhi, we decided to visit Jama Masjid, which is a renowned mosque near one of the largely Muslim areas of “Old” Delhi. 

Originally, our plans were simple: visit the mosque, see the beautiful architecture, get a small taste of what that area of the city is like, and then head home. We are not Muslim, so we did not have any plans for prayer in the mosque. We just wanted to appreciate the sight. We did, however, happen upon a peaceful protest on our way out. I want to tell you about this protest. 

Just outside of the mosque, there were many Indian muslims of all ages sitting on the steps, listening to a man with a megaphone. 

The man with a megaphone was speaking to them, not out of rage, but out of a collected plea; a plea to be valued as equally as all other proud and contributing Indians.

I will not claim to be an expert on Indian, American, or global politics, but I will tell you what I saw, what I learned, and how it made me feel. 

This man was speaking to his fellow protestors, amidst many flying Indian flags, about recent policies that are in the process of being pushed by the Indian government. India is a majority Hindu nation. However, India is also a democracy, and all people are supposed to be free to practice their faith without consequence. This ideal was proving to be, at the very least, partially inaccurate, and at the most, in real danger.

The item that was being protested was related to something called the Citizenship Amendment Act, or CAA, as well as the National Register of Citizens, or NRC.

On its surface, these items might sound reasonable to many. The proposed law states that it intends to provide certain steps for a new and updated path towards citizenship and certification of such in India, through a detailed process involving multiple steps, various documents, and allegedly, many challenges while simultaneously not taking into account the current situations of many underprivileged people. Still, it is deemed by many to be a legitimate process. 

However, as many must know, the undercurrent of any proposed policies, as well as potential further impacts of these policies, are worth dissecting and criticizing to ensure what is intended is actually what occurs when said policies go into effect. 

Good intentions alone are not enough. To quote Sam Neill’s Alan Grant in Jurassic Park, “Some of the worst things imaginable have been done with the best of intentions.”

Many have been saying for months that this proposed policy and amendment was disproportionately stacked up against Muslims that have been living in India for generations. The reason behind this is due to the belief that the original act seemed to prioritize certain Indians of just about every faith except Islam by providing a cleared path towards being granted a smoother path to the NRC list by mentioning every faith except Islam with respect to certain proceedings. I’ll link more substantive sources below for anyone who is interested. 

Effectively, many viewed the policy as a direct attempt to forcibly flex and benefit non-Muslims while making this process increasingly difficult for Muslims. This detail within the writing of the official amendment is especially concerning, because it may provide an avenue for proponents to argue that this is not the amendment’s intention or otherwise, which is exactly where and how systemic oppression can thrive and grow. Just ask the African-American/black community, or even the Latin-American and Hispanic communities in the USA, and you will receive hauntingly similar information, challenges, and descriptions. 

After having done a bit of research on this topic, both then and now, it seems almost obvious that this proposed setup is very much the majority oppressing the minority, while simultaneously denying as such. 

On the outside looking in, It seems as though there may even be a certain element of fear or hate leading to this policy. I thought to myself, maybe there are people that have had horrible experiences with Indian muslims, and their hearts are stained with resentment, and this is leading to the policy and oppression. Maybe those in power and those who are writing these propositions have tainted motives. 

It’s as if (and this is not a stretch, based on my research) the majority wants to redefine, or further clarify, what it means to be Indian, as if this is the most important thing. Non-Muslim Indians, or religious majorities, could then possibly be perceived somehow more legitimate in this misguided perspective. This is a huge problem, considering the fact that there are millions of Muslims who have been living in India for many generations. Thousands of people have been protesting this proposed litigation: some peacefully, and others violently.

A religious majority working tirelessly to make decisions based on their faith that affect all citizens, no matter their beliefs. Sound familiar, America?

There are many who may think I am overreaching here. Acting too emotionally. Inviting too much speculation. I most definitely do not intend to speak ill of any particular faith or belief system, as that is the antithesis of democracy. However, one must understand that policies and proposed laws are not merely words on paper, and we have seen how policy enforcement has led to dehumanizing and horrendous oppression the world over for centuries. We deserve the opportunity to scrutinize anything and everything in order to seek better understanding, and we must remain vigilant to all possible outcomes of policy change.

These Indian Muslims had a simple plea. Their plea was that they are just as valuable as any other person in India, and they deserve an equal and equitable path to a just process in their democracy, as well as a fair process to update their records similarly to their non-Muslim brothers and sisters.

We don’t really have any clear images of the protest or the speaker, mostly because we were trying not to disrupt them or invite attention upon ourselves. We only stood there listening to what the man had to say for a short time. That amount of time was enough, though, for our hearts to sink, and for us to see the pain and frustration in the eyes of all of the attending protesters. It was incredibly disheartening. It was as if their eyes were saying “Is this really happening right now? Why are we having to protest this? What is even up for debate here?” I imagine many protestors around the world are feeling very similar feelings in 2020. 

Having just witnessed this protest, we were disappointed to witness another small protest, minutes later. A man was walking the streets just outside of Old Delhi shouting anti-Muslim rhetoric to anyone who would pay attention. He reminded me of the so-called “street preachers” in America who constantly told me that I was going to hell. Our hearts sank, and we couldn’t have been more uncomfortable with the energy the city was giving us on that day.

One should not be treated differently by their government as a result of their religious beliefs, either directly or indirectly. Period. 

It appears as though the CAA and NRC discussion remains as a massive fight within and around India. By enforcing this policy on the Muslim minority, this also might lead to a level of disdain and a lack of respect from Muslim majority countries, as well as families that have lived in India for multiple generations. But that’s okay, right? Because India first? Hinduism is best? Because some Indians are so terrified of being outnumbered by Muslims some day that they need to go on the offense to prevent this? I know the history here is complex, but we have had enough bloodshed between religions. We need to avoid that path.

This should sound similar to many Americans, and for many reasons. I want to speak about something called nationalism.

Nationalism (n): identification with one's own nation and support for its interests, especially to the exclusion or detriment of the interests of other nations.

(Oxford Languages)

To be clear, I do not think the current United States administration is completely to blame for decisions made in India, but the presence of similarity cannot be ignored. The wild part about the timing of the Delhi protest was that Donald Trump was literally in India as we were in New Delhi. The Trump administration and Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi’s Administration were in the process of doing an India tour, where they would boast of their initiatives to large crowds in stadiums with the intent for said initiatives to result in prosperity for both nations. I won’t get into their initiatives here, but I encourage you to look into them to achieve an all-encompassing perspective of this. approach from multiple points of view. 

In America, there is much division. There are many who support the current president (many of whom are dear friends and acquaintances of mine), and there are many who absolutely disagree with the current administration with every fiber of their being. The current people in power have boasted a phrase that has not been used avidly in decades. “America First!”

I can understand, to an extent, mobilizing the people of a nation such as America to be proud of one’s country and its success, and to prioritize its citizens whenever possible. However, I belong to a growing group of people that believes that by saying “America First!” and enacting policies to support this sentiment, we are at risk of ignoring others entirely, and causing unintended (or even intended) harm. When I hear “America First!” I also hear “Ignore the rest of them as much as possible while saving face and claiming the opposite!” I’m also seeing millions of people finding motive within nationalism to alienate, chastise, belittle, and incite cruelty upon others, whether directly or indirectly. Maybe I’m overreaching. Maybe not.

On the other side of the planet, there are a lot of Hindu nationalists (also known as “Hindutvas”) who are adopting a similar message. Embolden the people of the most popular faith or group, and de-prioritize those of minorities, but do it in a subtle way so when you are accused you can simply throw your hands up and say “What? Me? No, definitely not! Oppression? What are you talking about? There is no oppression! It’s a fair law!” (Just look the other way.) 

To my fellow Americans: VOTE.

I know you’ve heard it a lot, but you’re going to hear it again for another 24 hours. VOTE. Please! Make a safe plan, take the time, bring a book, a jacket, a blanket, some snacks, your mask (of course!), face shield, gloves, hand sanitizer, or anything else to help you feel comfortable while waiting in line and making your voice heard. It’s worth it.

The truth is, the world is watching. You may not care about the world’s opinion, but I’m here to tell you that you should, at least to an extent. 

America has often been a beacon of success, opportunity, and leadership in the world. However, right now, I do believe there is still too much focus on nationalism, and it is causing many negative consequences. I’m all for supporting American citizens, jobs, resources, and quality of life, but we need to do so while being conscious of all intended and unintended consequences. In these situations, we proud Americans must adjust for the betterment of ourselves and others.

We need to remember that nations with borders and laws are constructs of man. While I do believe laws are necessary and helpful towards governing people, these very elements, when over-utilized, can have a profoundly negative impact on billions of people, both inside our nation and in the outside world. 

We must pay attention to all of the consequences of all our choices and actions, as Americans, and as human beings on earth.

India’s government, along with many other nations, has been observing the US government. In my opinion, through this proposed citizenship policy, India is following America’s (and other countries) lead in using a political strategy to embolden a base of citizens by over-prioritizing the nation through the often-used ploy of nationalism, and sowing the seeds of oppression and wrongdoing as subtly as possible, deep within the writings of newly proposed official government literature and policy. I know this is the case because there are many Indian-Americans who are, in my opinion, blinded by the pride of seeing the current administrations shake hands and assuming this is immediately a good thing all around. 

Pride in one’s country is great, but it mustn’t be at too much expense to others. We must pay attention to all of the consequences of all our choices and actions, as Americans, and as human beings on Earth.

At the very least, there are some serious potential consequences that must be addressed. At its best, a bit of nationalism may result in better quality of life for proud countrymen and women. At its worst, nationalism can lead to autocracy, and (you guessed it), the beginnings of fascism. We need to be better, America. We’ve already been down that road. 

We can’t let history repeat itself, but it’s happening, right before our eyes.

I believe there is a way to be proud of one’s country, prioritize one’s country when possible, and also be a good habitant of this planet through acknowledging that one nation’s decisions impact other nations. I never feel good about benefitting from someone else’s suffering, and you shouldn’t either. It’s not worth it, and we should work to minimize this as much as possible.

The truth is that while America is indeed great, albeit imperfect, there are hundreds of other great nations all over the world. While I am proud to be an Indian-American and American citizen, I have been fortunate to travel enough and see that there is plenty to celebrate and plenty to protest across the globe. When we focus too much on nationalism, we run the risk of ignoring the idea that an increased emphasis such as this can alienate others. We may not all receive the opportunity to travel to other countries (not to mention during a global pandemic), but it is my opinion that most Americans need to do some serious soul searching about what it means to be a good American citizen AND global citizen, simultaneously. I believe it’s very possible. 

Indian and American democracy is supposed to be about learning from each other, seeking out and listening to stories from people with different nationalities, as well as racial, ethnic,  and spiritual backgrounds while maintaining our unique identity within our communities. We need to be working together, as a world of many nations, to find more agreeable common goals that will benefit local citizens AND other parts of our world. We will disagree, sure, and conflict isn’t always avoidable, but we must strive to minimize strife. 

We must strive to minimize strife. 

Make no mistake: both of the current administrations in America and India are claiming to do all the good things. However, it is these policies that should make us take a step back and reassess as we go. At the absolute least, we should continue to call for some adjustment in said policies, and we must reduce the stranglehold of blind loyalty and ego in the process.

I’ll never forget how I felt when I saw the peaceful protest in person, after hearing about the issue in the news for weeks. It was chilling. The protestors at Jama Masjid couldn’t believe that they had to protest to convince others and themselves that their voice matters, their opinion matters, their path to righteousness matters, and their lives matter. As it turns out, the protests and debate continue, even to this day.

Americans, when you vote, as a citizen of one of the most powerful and influential nations in the world, please realize that the impact goes far beyond our borders. Your vote is unbelievably POWERFUL. In my opinion, an over-use of nationalism can result to some of the worst things imaginable, and it’s important that we as a nation and world learn how to better balance pride for country, prioritizing country, and loving our country with being a great global citizen, from a policy standpoint, but even more importantly, from a human standpoint. 

All this to say, this is only one issue that is at stake in the 2020 election. However, no matter what happens this November, I want to encourage each and every one of you to take a moment, shut off the news and social media (just for that moment at least) and look within. What feels right? What seems like the right thing to do for ourselves and all human beings? We will need to find more commonalities as a people before we can even attempt to improve, or even maintain, any semblance of a just society, no matter who is elected our leader.

Please vote. Not only by November 3rd, but always. In your community elections, state and regional elections, and beyond. It’s the best and most direct way to get your voice heard. Social media and blog posts can help a bit, but voting is much more powerful. Thank you very much for reading. Additional links and sources are below.

Love,

Vinay

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Additional Information and Opinion (Click Links Below)

Click here to make a voting plan.

Democracies around the world are under threat. Ours is no exception.

Citizenship Amendment Act: What is is and why it is seen as a Problem

Why Indians are protesting 2 controversial laws that could leave millions of Muslims stateless

The National Register of Citizens and India’s commitment deficit to international law

Three Years.

“These are promises that are renewed every day, but as great as it is to express them verbally, it’s even greater to express them with a lifetime of love-driven action.” 
-Paul Johnson

Three years in the eyes of society, more than three years since we knew this was to be, and nine years since I laid eyes on her. Ah, the wedding anniversary.

I cannot help but re-watch this video on this day each year, or even every month. Our story is a wild and beautiful one, filled with an elopement journey out west, a canyon wedding complete with live music and tourists out of the frame, an amazing reception at home with our loved ones, and so much more. This wonderful video (by Julia and Thomas of Electric Peak Creative with music by Canyon City) serves as a great reminder of what I should always be aiming for in my quest to be the best that I can possibly be for April, our families, and every one of you who we are more than fortunate to call our friends. 

This past year has been beyond our expectations in every way.

In my mind, it’s resembled the journey of a fragile but capable sailboat at sea, at times struggling to stay afloat in the most treacherous of storms, sure to sink, and at other times, humming right along— gliding at the pace of the sun, the wind, and the world. Life’s constant challenges are still showing themselves like clockwork, and yet all I have to do is look to my side to see the best sailing partner there ever was, and suddenly I’m okay again. I’m not perfect myself, but she broke her vow and took in another cat while I was on the road a while back, so we’re even. 😉

For any of you who may not currently have a significant other in the way society deems fit, I want you to know that you are loved.

Not a sympathy kind of love, but a pure love. If you feel lonely, reach out and let’s hang out. I may not be your life partner in this sense, and I may not truly fill any void you may feel, but I’ll surely keep you company and love you as best I can. I can at least hug you and try to make you laugh or smile by making fun of myself, or you can be there while April shares with you all my most embarrassing stories, like that time when I….nevermind. All of you deserve all the love in the world, and if you desire companionship, I’m confident your lifelong love is out there, soon to change the trajectory of your life, just as she was for me. Happy three, April. You aight, girl. Thanks for being there for me.

I’M BACK.

This moment. This energy. I will never take it for granted.

I sit down on the drum “throne” . 

I move my right leg towards the bass drum, and I place my right foot on a pedal.

I move my left leg towards the hi-hats, and I place my left foot on another pedal.

I pause.

I take a deep breath, and I soak in the moment. 

It’s about to happen. It’s really about to happen!

First, I strike the hi-hats with my right hand and the bass drum with my right foot, simultaneously.

Second, I strike the hi-hats with my right hand again.

Third, I use the right hand and left hand, this time on the snare drum and hi-hats, again simultaneously. 

Finally, I finish with striking the hi-hats, again using my right hand.

Repeat. 

I am describing one of the most basic and foundational drum set patterns that can formulate a “beat”, or groove.

Most of us drummers have learned this combination at some point in time. 

However, when I had nothing, and when I was bedridden, I truly was incapable of any movement without extreme and inexplicable pain, let alone this simple beat.

The above video captured one of the very first times that I was able to sit down and play this beat again since recovering from complete immobility earlier on in 2018. 

I’m happy to report that I have been back to my able-bodied playing self for several months, and I’m back on stage as well!

There are not enough words in my being to articulate the amount of grueling pain and effort it took to get back to this moment in October of 2018. I am more proud of this forty-four second clip than any other clip I have shared on the internet, and that is because it took an astronomical amount of dedication and perseverance to return to this moment.

This moment.

Playing this beat in this moment took me back to my beginnings:

at Beaumont Middle School in Lexington, Kentucky, in an empty room, after school, by myself, where I would attempt to play the school’s drums for hours until my mother forced me to come home.

I’ll never forget the first time at the school that I was finally able to convince all four of my stubborn limbs to work together towards achieving my ultimate goal:

making music.

Now I’ll never forget when I reclaimed my rightful place in my percussive kingdom, on my drum “throne”, just a few months ago. This video signified a massive milestone in my recovery (see previous blog), and it restarted my journey towards becoming an unstoppable force in the world of doing what I love:

making music.

To those who have read to this point:

Thank you for taking the time out of your day to peruse what I am sharing. I also would like to encourage each of you to NEVER, EVER take basic human function for granted. We all participate in activities that challenge our bodies. Please make sure to prioritize your body and long-term health in your daily life. As my mother says,

“Your body is a temple.”

Watch out. Be sure not to blink. You might miss my ascent to the throne.

This feeling. This energy. I will never take it for granted. 

DIAGNOSIS

The Short Version

Q) What’s going on with my health? What was I diagnosed with?

A) I was recently diagnosed with an autoimmune disease called Ankylosing Spondylitis. I’ve been dealing with the symptoms for quite some time, it seems.

Q) What is this blah-dee-blah-blah-itis?

A) It’s a thing that hurts a lot, but the right medicine, proper nutrition, and proper exercise should keep me well.

Q) Will I still be able to work towards all my goals, professionally and personally?

A) Yes.

Q) Can I still play drums, percussion, and other instruments?

A) We’ll give this a resounding YES!

---

The Real Version

This year has been the most physically, emotionally, professionally, and personally challenging year of my life. 

A few years ago, I began experiencing on-and-off pain in my right leg. It was as if certain muscles were continuously activated and aggravated, and it caused a severe limp, muscle spasms, and a lot of pain. I attended physical therapy for a while, and it improved for a short time.

However, this year was different. The pain came back during the 2017 holiday season, and then went away. and came back again. and went away…again. 

Before I knew it, I started feeling general leg pain until it was suddenly localized in my right foot in May of this year (2018). The severe limping continued.

Cue the most hellish summer of my life.

The pain increased, more and more. I tried physical therapy again, and I attempted to continue with my life. However the pain grew so much that one ankle became swollen, both feet were “on fire” with pain, and the rest of my body fell into pain as well (neck/shoulders, upper back, lower back, hip, legs).

It was not long until my body forced me to stop. I honored as many professional and personal commitments as possible before I couldn’t do anymore.  I finally acquiesced to my body, and I began a difficult time of “rest”. 

I stopped all work. No more being on my feet. No more playing drums or percussion. It was time to cease all activity and find the true answer to my mysterious pain. I’m lucky I even had the opportunity to do so.

 The pain grew even worse. I figured being off my feet would make everything better quickly. I was very, very wrong. I knew there were others in the world with much worse pain, but thinking about them did not necessarily help alleviate any of my pain. In my world, this was the worst I had experienced to date. I had to wear a medical boot. I couldn’t stand, sit, walk, or lay down without extreme pain. Every day that I chose to take a shower, I risked suffering a disastrous fall due to severe instability. My amazingly sweet mother-in-law lent me her walker so I could attempt to inch from the bed, to the restroom, and to the couch. Rinse, repeat. I couldn’t sleep at all. I would lie in bed from ten o’clock at night until five-thirty in the morning when April woke up for work, having not slept a wink. And that was nowhere near the worst part. 

Fear reared its ugly head. It was, quite literally, crippling fear. The weeks and weeks of cabin fever took a huge toll on my mind, my heart, and my soul. I was terrified for my life and my family. Did this mean I have to give up on my dreams? Did this reduced mobility nullify my dream of playing music with up to all four of my limbs? Will I even be able to pursue a career that involves standing at all? Do I have to give up on everything that I’ve worked for? Will I be a large inconvenience to all my family, friends, and colleagues? Will I let everyone down? Did my recent complacency already doom the chances of any sort of success or achievement in my life? Am I even going to make it past my twenties? Is this all my fault? (No, it’s not.) Most importantly, did I eat too much Taco Bell all these years? Cue the taco emoji. 🌮

After several appointments with multiple medical specialists, hours of consultation, theories, treatment efforts, years of mystery, research, and a few prescriptions, I believe I finally have a diagnosis to explain at least part of this pain.

I have been diagnosed with an early version of an auto-immune disease called Ankylosing Spondilitis, or AS for short. This is a disease with currently no known cause and no known cure. As far as I can articulate, this means my own immune system is fighting my body, causing severe pain in areas of bone and in areas where tendons attach to joints (in my case, at least). If left untreated, it can result in complete immobility and severe, unmanageable pain. 

“Really? Man…I mean, I want an answer to this pain, but not a chronic disease! I want a more convenient answer!”

Believe it or not, the fear grew even worse post-diagnosis. I began thinking about how I needed to alter my life, my goals, and my dreams. I was ready to give up everything that I had worked so hard to accomplish in my life. 

This is where my loved ones truly saved me. I was reminded the importance of staying positive, even in the midst of life’s most difficult challenges. Our friends demanded that we let them make us dinner, as even this most basic daily home activity was an impossibly challenging task. I was encouraged to hear stories of family, friends, and strangers alike who overcame similar and even worse challenges than my own. I was also encouraged by my doctors that with proper medication as well as a realistic and fervent approach to good health, there was no limit to what I could do with my body, with my mind, with my heart, and with my soul. 

That means I can still play drums, too! 

Thus, I began the process. I initiated medication. I studied articles, watched videos, and read stories about countless athletes, businessmen and businesswomen, creative professionals, and everyday people who defied the odds and actually improved their health after a diagnosis or an injury. Ray Lewis tolerated extreme pain during the last year of his Hall of Fame NFL career (during which he won a Super Bowl). Another man, a military veteran, was told he would not walk again after years of parachuting. He shocked everyone by bringing back his health and full mobility through yoga and proper nutrition. Oklahoma Sooners football alum Mark Andrews built his current NFL career while managing Diabetes since childhood. Cancer patients are living strong, beautiful, and fulfilling lives, while also cherishing every precious second we all have on Earth. Gordon Hayward has battled back from one of the most devastating injuries in a broken leg to rejoin his NBA teammates. He was supported by Kobe Bryant, who himself overcame many struggles and took pride in every single day he was given. I also read stories about musicians who toured the world carrying many more symptoms and medicine than I could even imagine having to deal with on the road.

Even Phyllis’s dad surprised everyone (including Michael Scott) when he stood out of his wheelchair to walk her down the aisle at her wedding! (fictional, but still…so real! The Office, man.) 

I am choosing to believe that this was meant to be.

This is exactly my destiny. My diagnosis will not define me. It will inspire me to live my life to the fullest, and it will motivate me to stop being so darn dormant and wake up to the possibility of my potential. I will not stop until I have done my part to hopefully add value to society and the lives of those around me. I’m now in the process of recovering and working my tail off with my physical therapists and dietitians so I can get back in the world. Thank you for reading, thank you for all your love, and especially a thank you to those of you who took care of things while I have been out, and those of you who will accept me back in your work and lives. I’m getting there. I will get there.

Love,

Vinay